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MAKE POSITIVITY LOUDER

The beauty of social media is that words, thoughts and ideas can be spread and expressed freely and openly and reach people all over the world in an instant.

The curse of social media is that words, thoughts and ideas can be spread and expressed freely and openly and reach people all over the world in an instant.

It’s because of this that it’s so fucking crucial that you try to post positive. Complaining, writing negative statuses, bitching and moaning spread through the internet like wild fire. There’s so much loud negativity already and it’s just unnecessary and dragging everyone (including you) down. 

I know there’s lots of terrible shit going on in the world, we don’t need another status about it. Terrible shit will never stop, but greatness will never stop either and the beauty is we have the ability to chose what to focus on. So choose positivity and stop complaining on social media. 

Or as Gary V says “The small minority that are mad, angry, hateful, and dark are much louder then the BIG percentage of us that are happy, excited and feel great, and because of the way technology works, they are much louder then they’ve ever been before.” MAKE POSITIVITY LOUDER.

The Importance and Power of Self-Talk (full article coming soon…)

Talking to yourself: It’s not just for nut jobs on the subway that make you nervous on your evening commute.

In fact, whether you are aware of it or not, you are talking to yourself almost every second of the day.

Sometimes the only difference between you and that crazy nut job yelling on the subway, is he/she is talking out loud, while you’re talking in your head. And because most of your talking happens inside your head, you often don’t realize just how wildly negative it is.

You don’t realize how much you are holding yourself back with the limiting thoughts occurring almost every second of your day to day.

But what if you could become more aware of those thoughts, better control what thoughts come into your head, re-program yourself so to speak, and provide self-talk that rather then limits you and holds you back, instead pushes you to new places, new levels of confidence, and a higher level of living.
Well (as you can probably guess where I’m going) you can! 

And I will be laying it all out shortly! Stay tuned!

Shut Up and Stop COMPLAINING

Tough love here: When did complaining become such a trend?

It’s like how people fucking relate to each other now-a-days. “Ughhhh fucking Monday’s am-I-right?” What?! Fuck you, that’s 14% of your life that we’ve just unanimously decided sucks?!

Look, I a lot of complaining and bullshit is often joked about via memes, pics, and videos, but there’s an underlying truth behind those “joking complaints,” and that’s a real compliant. And by spewing that shit, you’re poisoning yourself and everyone around you.

Here’s the thing I promise you about the complaining and excuses. No one cares. No one. No one cares about your excuses or what you’re complaining about. Sure you may get a little sympathy or a pat on the back, but it’s not going to accomplish anything.

Some days are going to suck, shit is going to happen, but don’t pass that shit on or even embrace it yourself. Move on. Or as an NFL coach said to his team last Sunday “So what, now what?!”

Stop Trying To Please Everyone

You can’t be a success with some, without a being a failure with others.

There’s often this feeling that we want to please everyone and not piss people off. You want to make friends, build relationships, but not have people reject you. Someone who can be a calm that weathers all storms.

But this will leave you with hallow relationships and a feeling of intense anxiety, hoping that you are pleasing others to maintain relationships. Having relationships based on what you think you want the person to hear, tip toeing around what you think is acceptable and likable, instead of being who you are.

Rejection isn’t a bad thing, in fact I’d argue it’s a good thing. It’s how you filter out who you spend your time with. And who you decide to spend your time with is arguably one of the most important things you can learn to do.

At the end of the day, life is about presenting yourself as boldly and honestly as possible, and accepting whatever reaction comes your way.

Problems and Happiness 

Happiness comes from solving problems.

There’s a delusional idea out there that if you were to somehow to just get rid of your problems, you’d be happy. As if the key to a happy life is this frictionless, problem-free state, where everything just works in your favor and you’ve conquered all of your problems.

Not only is this completely delusional, and virtually impossible, this would make you completely miserable.

Problems also aren’t something you solve and it’s finished. Every problem solved, creates new problems.

If you decide to sign up for a gym, you now have a whole new set of problems. Waking up early to go, buying gym clothes, working out through pain and struggles, continuing to go etc.

If you decide to get a new job, you now have to learn new skills, meet new people, try things you’ve never done or outside your comfort zone. And as you solve those problems, you create more problems. Then solving those problems, creates a new series of problems.

The key to is not to try to live a life without problems. There will always be problems in your life. The key is to create and solve problems you can enjoy.

Sat, Oct 15th

“Here’s the problem. Our society today, through the wonders of consumer culture and hey-look-my-life-is-cooler-than-yours social media, has bred a whole generation of people who believe that having these negative experiences – anxiety fear, guilt etc. is totally not okay.

I mean, if you look at your Facebook feed, everybody there is having a fucking grand old time. Look eight people got married this week! And some sixteen-year-old on TV got a Ferrari for her birthday. And another kid just made two billion dollar inventing an app that automatically delivers you more toilet paper when you run out.

Meanwhile, you’re stuck at home flossing your cat. And you can’t help but think your life sucks even more than you thought.

The Feedback Loop from Hell has become a borderline epidemic, making many of us overly stressed, overfly neurotic, and over self-loathing.

Back in Grandpa’s day, he would feel like shit and think to himself ‘Geez whiz, I sure do feel like a cow turn today. But hey, I guess that’s just life. Back to shoveling hay.

But now? Now if you feel like shit for even five minutes, you’re bombarded with 350 pages of people totally happy and having amazing fucking lives, and it’s impossible to not feel like there’s something wrong with you.

It’s this last part that gets us in trouble. We feel bad about feeling bad. We feel guilty for feeling guilty. We get angry about getting any. We get anxious about feeling anxious. What is wrong with me?

This is why not giving a fuck is so key. This is why it’s going to save the world. And its going to save it by accepting the world is totally fucked and that’s all right, because it’s always been that way, and always will be.”

– “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck” by Mark Manson

Tuesday, October 11th
“I am” vs “I feel”
These two sets of words can transform a large part of the way you experience emotions. 
When there is a feeling of sadness, depression, anger, anxiety, you often say (either out loud or to yourself) I am angry, I am sad, I am anxious, I am depressed etc. Not only is this dangerous as it causes you to identify with a negative feeling as self, but it’s actually 100% untrue. 
You cannot be these emotions, it’s impossible, you can only temporarily experience them. And this is massive to understand. Because once you can learn to disconnect the fact that these emotions are not in fact you, but rather a completely separate temporary feeling in you, you can disassociate with the feeling or emotion much quicker.
So next time you’re feeling these emotions, rather than saying I am sad, depressed, anxious, anger etc…say something that recognizes a dissociation from those feelings from your identity. Such as, I feel anger inside me, there is sadness in me, there is anxiety in my body. Sounds a bit odd at first, but it’s usually because you’re usually to identifying with the feeling as self. But as you try it more and pay attention to it more, you should feel and see the dissociation. 
There may be some anxiety in you at this moment, but it’s not you, it’s just a temporary feeling inside you.
Just like when there are clouds in the sky, you wouldn’t say the sky are clouds today. No, you’d say there are clouds in the sky today. The sky is still there, the sky didn’t transform into the cloud, it’s just being temporarily covered up by clouds and they will pass. Just like the emotions that are temporarily in you, they are not you, and they will pass like moving clouds.
And that’s all negative feelings and emotions are, they are passing clouds in the sky. The sky is always there, it’s just sometimes a little harder to see in certain present moments. But as the clouds pass, the sky shines through again and so shall you.
Fri, Sept 26th
Meditation Part 3: Why?Leading into the full article I’ll be posting tomorrow, why should I meditate?
There’s a long list of reasons why, but if I had to pick one big one, it’s learning how to filter out all the unnecessary bullshit in your life.There’s unnecessary bullshit all around you, all the time. Your mind is constantly spewing out unnecessary bullshit, there’s stupid bullshit being told, marketed, and influenced upon you every waking moment, and there’s an endless stream of bullshit you may believe in that you don’t even know is bullshit because you’re too distracted by all the other bullshit. “Bow-shit, bow-shit, bow-shit” (Kirsten Bell once said in a terrible British accent).

Meditation is how and filtering out the bullshit is why. So you can focus on the real shit that matters.

Thurs, Sept 22nd
Meditation part 2:  Meditation is all about focus. There’s sometimes a misconception that meditating means attempting to completely stop thoughts and entering some blank, thoughtless, trance like mental state.The key to learning to meditate is to focus on one single thing. Like reading this for instance. Focus on each individual word as you read this. Slow down as you read each word right now. Sit there, focused on each word, one by one.  As you read and pronounce each word to yourself, become aware of the sound it makes as it echoes in your mind, again, and again. What does each word sound like in your head? If you’re the voice reading this, then who’s the one listening?The above is to give you an example of a form of meditation. Focus on a single thing. This can actually be done anytime with almost anything. You don’t need to be sitting cross legged, upright, eyes closed, with your hands out saying wooo-saaa to meditate. No this can be practice virtually anywhere.Like your commute to work for example. If you listen to music, try to focus on a single part of the song and nothing else. Focus on just the bass line, or focus on the background beat, or focus on each lyric one by one.The reason why this is so powerful is it teaches and trains us how to focus on what we want to focus on, and not all the other bullshit and background noise going on in your mind or around you. And that is some powerful shit. Full article coming this weekend.
Wed, Sept 21st
Meditation
Meditation is one of the most power, easily accessible, yet difficult things out there for your mind. It’s basically the gym for your mind.Like going to the gym, it’s tough at first. It feels awkward, you’re not good at it, and at the end of the day you may just want to say “fuck this” and quit. But just like the gym, it gets easier with time. The more you practice, the easier it becomes and the better the results. And like the gym, it does not work over night.It’s no secret that if you go to the gym tomorrow and expect to have a shredded six pack you will be unpleasantly surprised in the morning when you still see your beer belly staring back at you. Additionally, if you go to the gym every day for a week, but then stop for 3 weeks, you’re not going to see the benefit.Meditation works the same. It requires a little effort every day.  The tough about meditation is it’s hard to measure the results. There’s no before and after picture, no weight-scale to map your progress, no selfie’s in the mirror to show off the hard work (sucks right?) But, day by day, you will notice your mind feels sharper, your thinking should feel clearer, and your focus will be where you want it to be, not on your anxiety or other shit that doesn’t matter.  You’ll be amazed how much better you feel after your first few weeks of doing it.And like the gym, when you start meditating, start small. Just like you wouldn’t walk in to your first time at the gym and try to bench 300lbs, you’re not going to try to meditate for 45 minutes and achieve enlightenment. Start small. 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes. Then gradually progress, maybe 10 minutes one day for a few weeks, then 15 minutes etc.I’m going to write a full article on meditation in the coming weeks, stay tuned.
Tues, Sept 20th
To not give a fuck, is to stare down life’s most terrifying and difficult challenges and still take action
Mon, Sept 19th 
I often get messages from people talking about how their anxiety seems to “come out of nowhere” and want to know how to stop or better control that initial anxiety. Here are my thoughts.In it’s most simplified, broken down form, there are two stages to every anxiety attack and there is good news and bad news about it.Stage 1 – Initial anxiety (bad news). Here’s the bad news (don’t worry it gets better), anxiety will continue to randomly pop up in various aspects of your life. Some periods of your life it will pop up more frequently, and more intensely than other times.  Here’s a couple things to remember about this. It’s normal and it happens. The key is not to get mad or upset. Just because you’re lying on the couch and suddenly get anxiety for seemingly no reason, does not mean there is anything wrong with you. And that is important to know.The key with stage 1 is awareness and finding your triggers. Whether you know it or not (and it’s usually not) there is something that triggered that initial anxiety, even if you were sipping mojitos on a beautiful island. It usually stems from thoughts in our subconscious that we don’t always recognize are there or even happening in that moment.Each time you have an anxiety attack try to focus on what was happening  in that moment, what you were thinking about, what you were doing, where you were, what was going on, what thoughts and emotions came up, what you have planned in the near future etc.Anxiety can sometimes reside in your subconscious where you may be worried about some future event, and even though you weren’t consciously thinking about it, your anxiety crept into that subconscious worry and reared its ugly head.  So here you were having a nice relaxing and time and here comes anxiety to fuck up your day. (fuck you anxiety, ya dick)But the more we pay attention, practice awareness when anxiety pops up, and can be present, we can start to get better at keeping that initial anxiety from happening. Like all good things, this takes time and practice. Now let’s talk about the great news.Stage 2 – Reaction to the anxiety (good news). While the initial anxiety may seem to come out of nowhere, once the anxiety has hit us, we can choose what to do about it. Yes, control! And the most common problem is people choose to fit it, to resist, to let their internal monologue take over saying things like “holy fuck, I’m freaking out, I hate this, quick where’s the whiskey!”Stop, don’t resist, just let it happen. I know this sounds scary, but the more you resist, the longer the anxiety lasts. Once you can stop and allow the anxiety to happen, the quicker it will reside. Ride the wave and let it pass.You can do this by talking to yourself (either out loud or in your head) and telling yourself you can handle it. Things like “this feeling sucks, but I’ll get through it soon, this will pass, this is uncomfortable, but I can handle it” Anything positive to remind you that anxiety doesn’t have shit on you, and it will pass, and guess what, it always does.Sun, Sept 18th
Quick Sunday evening anxiety attack tip.
Next time you’re having an anxiety attack, start to focus on your breathing. Breath in through your nose to the count of 3, then breath out through your mouth to the count of 4. By exhaling longer then you inhale, your heart beat starts to slow down, better and more quickly subsiding your anxiety. It usually takes a couple minutes of doing this to slow your anxiety down.

 

Fri, Sept 16th

One of the hardest, yet fulfilling things an anxious person can do is openly talk about their anxiety (especially guys it seems).

Guys, I get it, we have this whole fucking masculine way about us that we think we have to protect, but if you suffer from anxiety, bottling this shit up is dangerous as hell. Look, no one is going to take away your man card because you express yourself, because you think it’s “girly.” Bottling this shit up, is what leads to us men lashing out physically – here wall, have a fist!

Yes, talking about anxiety, feels awkward and the thought of it alone, can make you feel anxious. But it will change everything. The more open I became about anxiety, the better it got. Parents, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend, therapist, groups, this group, start talking to someone.

Watch how not only will your anxiety around them lessen after, but your relationship with that person will likely be even stronger. Think of it this way, short term anxiety now (making the decision to talk about it openly) for far less anxiety down the road (now that you’re open about it).

Thurs, Sept 16th

There’s a large misconception about treating or dealing with anxiety. Anxiety is often seen as a battle to be won or lost, an enemy to destroy.

So we fight, attack, and resist anxiety when it comes. But as the saying goes, what you resist, persists. By trying to stop or fight anxiety, we actually make it worse.

The key is acceptance and surrender. Now I get it, surrender sounds like a scary word. Shit, anyone who has dealt with an anxiety knows this is far easier said then done. But it takes practice. Yes, I know it feels like shit, but the simple act of just recognizing the feeling and letting it pass, makes all the difference.

You can’t fully prevent initial anxiety from creeping up on you, but you can control how long that uncomfortable feeling lasts. And if you want it to end quickly (uh fuck yes please), let it run it’s course and pass through you. If you do that, I guarantee it will pass significantly faster then if you resist.

In the moment, tell yourself “this feeling is uncomfortable and sucks, but it’ll pass and I’ll be fine.” Because it’s true, you’ll always be fine.

Wed, Sept 14th

“I love fear. Why? because on the other side of fear is the person we want to become”

There’s isn’t a person alive who doesn’t have fears. A person who claims to be without fears is not someone who is honest about who they are and chooses to repress that fear from the public eye and often times, from themselves.

In fact, by not knowing your fears you are that much more controlled by them. They have become such a part of your identity that you don’t fully see them as fears, but rather just part of “who you are.”

But the moment you are open and honest with yourself about your fears, is the exact moment they begin to lose some power over you and you learn how to live with it.

Now notice what I said. Live with it. A huge misconception about fears and anxieties is that they are a battle to be won and lost, an enemy that needs to be destroyed, something to resist and run away from or to pretend like it’s not there. But this is completely wrong, doing this actually makes the fear even stronger.

Your fears are not something to run from or destroy. In fact, the total opposite. They are something to explore, identify, understand, accept, get intimate with, and fully embrace. Yes, the very idea of getting close to your fears is…well, scary. But you will learn more about yourself by understanding your fears, then anything else in your life.